A quick relationship check-in

Six questions. About two minutes. No account, and no answers stored. It will not tell you what to do — it will tell you which part to look at first.

Line drawing of a man and a woman facing each other with a pause between them

1.When you disagree, how does your partner speak to you?

Firmly, but never in a way that puts me downSharply sometimes, and they know itThere is often mockery or a tone that stingsI am talked down to most times we disagree

2.After an argument, how long before one of you reaches back?

Usually within the hourLater the same dayDays, and it is nearly always meWe do not really come back — it just goes quiet

3.Can you say a hard thing without paying for it afterwards?

Yes, most of the timeUsually, though I pick my momentRarely — it tends to cost me somethingNo. I keep most of it to myself

4.When you ask for something small and specific, what happens?

It gets done, more often than notSometimes, if I remind themIt is agreed to and then nothing changesAsking is the thing that starts the argument

5.When you picture the next five years together, what comes up?

Something I wantSomething fine, if a bit blurredA sinking feeling I try not to look atI cannot picture it at all

6.Is there anything you do mainly to avoid their reaction?

NoSmall things — a tone, a mood I manageYes, quite a lot of what I doYes, and it does not feel safe to say so

This check-in is not a diagnosis and it is not therapy. It is a rough sort, meant to point you at the right question. If you are afraid of your partner, please read the safety page first.